The son-in-law of Governor Okorocha, Mr Nwosu has said that
Thinking about someone we really love and can no longer be with is the situation of many people out there. There is great difficulty in having to stop thinking about someone, forgetting them, what they said, and how they hurt you with their actions especially because of the role they played in our life. Now am not talking about family, friends, neighbors, or work colleagues because the effect of the experiences with these persons does not have the same effect as that of an ex-lover. One whom you are madly in love with, have pictured your future together or you are even living your dreams and then suddenly things turn sour and there is a break-up.
No matter where you are, or what you are doing, you are constantly thinking about your ex. Every time the phone rings, your heart skips and leaves you wondering if that is the long awaited call. Like your ex calling to say that they’ve made a huge mistake and want to make amends. You are constantly logging on to their Facebook page, checking their latest update. Who they are currently dating? Where they have been and what have they been doing? You’re scrutinizing every post, looking for some hidden meaning in their messages. Even analyze the lyrics of videos posted, to know how your ex is feeling and if they’re trying to tell you that they made a mistake and are suffering as much as you are.
Trying to stop thinking about such person and moving on with life can be as difficult having to start life from scratch. Most people live their life blaming themselves, feeling their head and mind with ” if I had known, I shouldn’t have reacted that way, I should have pleaded maybe he would have listened” and a whole lot of things they which they have done that would have taken away or had a way to stop the present situation they find themselves. Or maybe, for you, it’s not about a person. Maybe it’s about what you got or didn’t get, what you need but don’t have, or what isn’t right in your life. Doing all these things would not get them out of your head, as most of us know it is emotionally and physically toxic to our health. So rather than helping you, it would put you in a more delicate state that if care is not taken you might lose your life for someone who is not worth it and even doing well in their own life.
Research made has discovered that a ruminating mind is an unhappy and unhealthy mind, which could lead to depression or some kind of heart disease. The stress chemicals we allow in are far worse for us than the thing that brought them on in the first place. The reason is that moving on with life after a breakup is like an impossible task to many as they are constantly dwelling in the past, filled with an uncontrollable desire to call, chat, stalk or text their Ex even though they know that their action is making them fall ill. Yet they still can’t stop themselves from thinking about the love of their life.
How To Get Over Someone & Move on with Your Life
The big question is how can I stop thinking about them? How to Move on with my life? What to do and what not to? How to get over them? With the list of ideas compiled below, if taken seriously could help you stop thinking about that person you always wanted to get off your head and move on with your life.
TAKE A DECISION
This like the very first and most important phase of your recovery. you can never achieve or do something if you are yet to make a decision about that particular thing. You need to know what you want and take a decision, and not just that but also standing firm about it and being ready to go to any length to get what you want. The fact that you are clear and not confused about what you want at the moment makes the job easier, as you would be able to remind yourself that the reason for what you are doing is to ensure that you stop thinking about that person.
APPLY THE STAY AWAY PRINCIPLE
Refusal to accept the breakup most times leaves many people in this state whereby they always try to keep in touch by calling, texting, bumping into them and even visiting them, thereby fantasizing about a reunion. If you really want to stop thinking about that person then you really need to put a stop to all of those, stop going to places you are sure you would bump into the person, you can even go as far as deleting the person’s contact if you know that you won’t be able to cope. The reason is when you keep seeing the person it makes it difficult for you to stop thinking about him/her in fact, you would have something new to think about when you keep seeing him/her.
GET A NEW HOBBY
Yes, this is a great idea. A hobby is something that one enjoys doing and never gets tired of. What one can do and at the point of doing such nothing else matters. you can see someone whose hobby is chatting or watching the television set and because the person is engrossed in something she likes doing, she forgets that she is making dinner and her meal gets burnt. That’s a typical example of a doing something that you derive joy in. So get a new hobby if need be.
HAVE A RE-THINK; WHY THIS PERSON?
Having a re-think most times is necessary and in some cases where it has occurred the victims have seen no reason for him/her to kill her self, abandon his/her dreams. Most especially when you discover the billions of people in this world at large. There you get to question yourself what is with this person? what is unique or special about him/her? is he or her the only person in the world? And the answer is “NO” Even an adage says that there are so many fishes in the river. with this re-newing mentality you just need to brush yourself and move on and definitely a better man/woman would come.
DON’T GO ON MAKING THEM THE TOPIC OF YOUR EVERY DISCUSSION
This is hard to do I know it, but it is very helpful I must say.stop making the person the topic of discussion with your friends, family, or even a stranger as in the cause of discussion some things would stick to your memory and they will fill your thoughts afterward. Discussing your pains with friends might also give them something to mock you with when the time arises and am sure you won’t want that therefore always remember that this person has moved on with their lives and probably is thinking about someone else. So believe in yourself and get on with your life.
QUIT VISITING MEMORABLE PLACES
Places where you both went sightseeing, lunch, dinner, hang out, partying and the rest should be avoided. When you continuously visit those places, you would keep thinking of the person because those places tend to bring back memories that would get you thinking of that person so quit them.
DON’T PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED
Come on, the last thing you should do at this point is to deceive yourself by trying to pretend or ignore the actual fact that what happened really happened. Or pretend that he/she never existed, it’s even better to acknowledge the fact that you miss him/her. The best antidote for any situation rather is accepting the situation, even spend some days indoors and even cry if you feel like and afterward get up and move on with your life.
GO ON A VACATION
A change of environment sometimes is a very perfect idea, going on a vacation is always relieving and refreshing and its also a great opportunity to discover and visit a new place that you don’t know about. This would help you enjoy yourself, relieve stress, stop thinking about the person and also help you focus on the ways to avoid getting affected by the breakup.
GET A TRUSTWORTHY CONFIDANT
This is the antidote to some people who always feel relieved after talking, sharing, and expressing their feelings to someone. Now don’t just go about sharing your problems to anyone, you have to first pick a confidant someone whom you trust wholeheartedly and you are sure would not go about telling others what you have told him/her.
LOOK AT THE UGLY SIDE OF THE PERSON THAT YOU TOLERATED
Hmmmm!!! I know this has got someone wondering as it does not sound like a great idea but then it is. The reason is that when we love someone wholeheartedly we become blind and always ignore their bad side, flaws, or their weakness, or even overlook the wrong things they do. Some even go as far as enduring and ready to stake their lives rather than lose the one they love. Then at this point when such person has left you instead the best way to get over them is see them as not the best option for you as you thought.
DEAL WITH YOUR ANGER
Anger is defined as and this can make you do things you get to regret at the later run of things. The anger of the obvious that you have been dumped can make you keep thinking about that person, it could also make you go as far as wanting to revenge of hurt the person since you can’t have them. Therefore deal with your anger.
GET YOURSELF BUSY/ LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Loneliness comes as a result of idleness, and there is a saying that ” An idle man is the devil’s workshop”. When one is lonely the next line of action is going into thinking and one of the things you would surely think about is the recent occurrence in your life which you are yet to get over and which happens to be the “Breakup”. so therefore keep your self busy an no room for such thoughts, you can even learn something new, something intresting& exciting or something you have always desired or wanted to learn. You could learn handwork and become an entrepreneur, a musical instrument, or a trade. Just get BUSY that’s the idea.
AVOID GETTING INTO THE DEPRESSION STATE
Depression is a very critical state that you must avoid to get into. yes, you are not happy that you were dumped but being depressed would forever leave you in a thinking state, whereby you would even be mostly out of your environment and lost in your own thoughts. You could even at a stage develop low self-esteem, and you tend to quarrel to start to pick a fight with people cause you feel they don’t get to understand you. Avoid depression and engage in lovely activities like comedy shows, seeing a movie or even playing games.
REVIEW YOUR PERSONAL LIFE GOALS AND CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY TOWARDS THEM
Everyone while experiencing the process of growth has got some personal life goals he/she has always wanted and wish to achieve. You could seize this opportunity of the break up which would give you time for yourself and then go back to what I termed ” Your Drawing Board”, review all the things you have planned to achieve and see that which you are yet to then channel your mind, energy, thoughts, and money if need be to ensure that you achieve them. In that way, you may not know but you would have been able to get over the thoughts of your ex.
DON’T STALK THEM ONLINE
This is very common and the most difficult task of all. 95% of people stalk their ex either physically or social media-wise. They always want to know what their ex has been up to after their break up, where he goes, their new lover if they now have, to know if they are happy without you in their life. You can never move on nor stop thinking about that person if you continue like this. so quit stalking your ex right now.
GET A DIARY
To some, this might be a way out. Just like some people feel better after talking to someone so also some feel better after expressing themselves in words by penning down their feelings. Discover which works for you and if it is writing then get yourself a diary. Write and relieve yourself of the thoughts.
STAY AWAY FROM ROMANTIC MOVIES
This is for your own good, romantic movies would definitely have a way of reminding you of the good old days with your ex, the romantic things you do together and from there you can’t help but have him/her all over your thoughts. This could lead to having a mood swing or unhappiness. Heed to this advice and see other movies like action, comedy, cartoons, or even adventure.
FORGIVE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE
Being Dumped or abandoned does not define you nor does it determine your progress, or life treasures so why punish yourself?. This might sound strange and confusing, but then the truth is “FORGIVENESS” is the key to your own happiness and relieve. When you forgive it is not for the benefits of the offender but the one who has been offended. The reason is you are the one feeling hurt, suffering rejection, feeling horrible, not the offender and if you don’t forgive that person you would definitely remain in this condition. While the person is probably having fun somewhere, so, therefore ” FORGIVE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE”.
AVOID BLAMING GAMES
Stop the blaming games, you are not at fault nor is your ex, you should try to know that somethings cannot be changed, they must surely happen. why not see it as he/she is not the one for you and have to give way for your own person to come to you. With this mentality you can ” AVOID THE BLAMING GAMES” it would help you not think about your ex.